Pardon me for the cliche but my parents, I always believed, were traditional with a modern outlook. They sent me to an all-girls convent but did not mind that I was friends with boys in our neighborhood and hung out with my brothers' friends playing whatever you play when you are in school. They let me pick engineering that too Civil Engineering although they much rather preferred me joining the software bandwagon. For the most part I got to wear what I wanted to and got my way around most things. To top all of that off, they had no problems in me picking the person I wanted to spent the rest of my life with. Suddenly, after all these years, my mother said something yesterday which made me wonder what I mean to them as a daughter.
To give you a little background here, my brother who is two years older than I am is traveling to the US in a couple of months to take some licensing exams. He is not traveling on business where his employer will pay for his trip. He is funding this entire trip by himself and will be in the US for about 3-4 months to complete the exam and subsequent processes. Ever since we started discussing his trip, it was taken for granted that he would come stay with us and take the exam. Obviously!!! And then yesterday we were discussing the logistics of his trip, when my mother asked my brother to look for another place to stay. At first I wasn't sure what she meant so I had to prod a couple of times before she finally came out with it. Men from a respectable family do not stay in their married sister's and brother-in-law's house for an extended period of time it seems!! What???
Knowing for a fact that my mother does not spend the energy thinking about these kind of Uttam Dave type things, I asked her where it came from. She first denied that anyone helped her with these thoughts before admitting that it was one of her colleagues. My initial reaction was to yell, cry and threaten her that I would never talk to her if she ever entertained such thoughts. After sleeping over it for a day, I called her back to find out what exactly was bothering her and she says it is shameful on her, my father's and my brother's part to accept any kind of help from me, their married daughter. And secondly she is sure I am doing it against the husband's wishes and it will cause me problems with him. And of course she believes the parents-in-law would never approve of such a thing and will promptly disown me when they know my intentions.
It is not like I never discussed my brother's trip with the husband. In fact he was the one that brought up the subject of all the paperwork needed to be done for his travel and he of all has no problems with the whole idea. My parents-in-law are of the sweetest kind. Although I itch real bad to join one of those Bitch9-about-MIL discussion groups, she is sweet enough to leave me with nothing to bitch about. I did mention to them about the trip and they had no problem absolutely (I hope!). My brother who is the subject of the entire discussion has no problems because he gets along well with the husband and honestly, doesnt care. My father had no second thoughts about it either. So really, I think the problem is with people like my mother's colleague who I am guessing are the targets of Uttam Dave's advice and my mother who's thoughts are so easy to manipulate.
And me, well I am left thinking what I mean to my parents after all these years! Was I just the daughter that they spoiled rotten knowing fully well has to be given away to another family and never reclaimed? Have they lost all their rights on me that they cannot let me fulfill my tiniest of responsibilities towards my family? I wonder if this is a question of being traditional. Or if it just not being able to break away from what is expected or rather not expected of you by some moronic society. Either ways, I feel terribly disappointed for having to explain this to my mother!
P.S: When I read reactions to Dave's posts at Chandni's and Mad Momma's I thought maybe the advice is necessary for girls married into Ekta Kapoor kind of K Families. Ok please let me eat my words from their blogs. No, no woman should be given the kind of marital advice where she is asked to forget about her parents, her family and everything about her before she got hitched. Sorry, that doesnt work for me. My mother of all people should have known that!!!
P.P.S: Oh, today is my blog's first birthday. And am I glad I have this place to voice my shouts and murmurs! The activity here is not as much as I would have liked, but at least I get to have my monologues without any opposition so thats good. Happy Birthday Shouts and Murmurs!!
To give you a little background here, my brother who is two years older than I am is traveling to the US in a couple of months to take some licensing exams. He is not traveling on business where his employer will pay for his trip. He is funding this entire trip by himself and will be in the US for about 3-4 months to complete the exam and subsequent processes. Ever since we started discussing his trip, it was taken for granted that he would come stay with us and take the exam. Obviously!!! And then yesterday we were discussing the logistics of his trip, when my mother asked my brother to look for another place to stay. At first I wasn't sure what she meant so I had to prod a couple of times before she finally came out with it. Men from a respectable family do not stay in their married sister's and brother-in-law's house for an extended period of time it seems!! What???
Knowing for a fact that my mother does not spend the energy thinking about these kind of Uttam Dave type things, I asked her where it came from. She first denied that anyone helped her with these thoughts before admitting that it was one of her colleagues. My initial reaction was to yell, cry and threaten her that I would never talk to her if she ever entertained such thoughts. After sleeping over it for a day, I called her back to find out what exactly was bothering her and she says it is shameful on her, my father's and my brother's part to accept any kind of help from me, their married daughter. And secondly she is sure I am doing it against the husband's wishes and it will cause me problems with him. And of course she believes the parents-in-law would never approve of such a thing and will promptly disown me when they know my intentions.
It is not like I never discussed my brother's trip with the husband. In fact he was the one that brought up the subject of all the paperwork needed to be done for his travel and he of all has no problems with the whole idea. My parents-in-law are of the sweetest kind. Although I itch real bad to join one of those Bitch9-about-MIL discussion groups, she is sweet enough to leave me with nothing to bitch about. I did mention to them about the trip and they had no problem absolutely (I hope!). My brother who is the subject of the entire discussion has no problems because he gets along well with the husband and honestly, doesnt care. My father had no second thoughts about it either. So really, I think the problem is with people like my mother's colleague who I am guessing are the targets of Uttam Dave's advice and my mother who's thoughts are so easy to manipulate.
And me, well I am left thinking what I mean to my parents after all these years! Was I just the daughter that they spoiled rotten knowing fully well has to be given away to another family and never reclaimed? Have they lost all their rights on me that they cannot let me fulfill my tiniest of responsibilities towards my family? I wonder if this is a question of being traditional. Or if it just not being able to break away from what is expected or rather not expected of you by some moronic society. Either ways, I feel terribly disappointed for having to explain this to my mother!
P.S: When I read reactions to Dave's posts at Chandni's and Mad Momma's I thought maybe the advice is necessary for girls married into Ekta Kapoor kind of K Families. Ok please let me eat my words from their blogs. No, no woman should be given the kind of marital advice where she is asked to forget about her parents, her family and everything about her before she got hitched. Sorry, that doesnt work for me. My mother of all people should have known that!!!
P.P.S: Oh, today is my blog's first birthday. And am I glad I have this place to voice my shouts and murmurs! The activity here is not as much as I would have liked, but at least I get to have my monologues without any opposition so thats good. Happy Birthday Shouts and Murmurs!!
