A how-to guide...

...to love Anurag Kashyap's movies.

1. Read as much about the movie before watching it as possible. You want to know all the character names, motives and metaphors beforehand. Preferably, straight from the horse's mouth.
   
2. Make sure to watch the movie with plenty of lights on. If you are watching at a cinema, request the manager to keep the lights on. If you catch the movie at home, make sure you have all your windows open and/or lights on.
3. Get yourself something to drink. Not those sodas or juices. I mean the real stuff. You will need at least a couple of shots of espresso to keep yourself awake through the movie.
4. Glue your eyelids to your eyebrows. When watching Anurag Kashyap, you cannot afford to blink.
   
5. When possible keep the closed captions turned on. Of course, keep the volume as high as you can possibly manage.
   
6. After all of this, chances are you might not have really understood the movie. Now go back and repeat steps 1 to 5 a few more times to actually "get" the movie. And once you do, you are bound to love the movie.
   
7. Now head over to one of those IMDB discussion boards to compare your interpretation against everyone else's.
8. Oh, and throughout the process, dont forget to enjoy the superb music.
   

Caption this

Picture courtesy: High Heel Confidential

My take

Saif: "Nice rack baby!"
Kareena: "Really? And what do you think of stuff downstairs?"

Go ahead peeps, let your imagination run wild. As you can see, you cannot get any lower (no pun here) than mine, the caption that is.

How Bollywood achieved gender equality

In an attempt to achieve gender equality in apna filmdom, it has been reported that all our bollywood leading men have been advised of the following fashion guidelines.

• You will henceforth wax your chest hair and show as much cleavage (if not more) as your heroines. You will of course take full advantage of the one thing you can do in a family movie that your heroines cannot. Go topless! While our Sallu miyan has been the trend setter here, strict warnings have been issued to a certain Kapoor to clean up his act. Here are some illustrative examples.

Good







Better









Best

• Waxing does not stop with chest hair. You will use the sticky goo until you achieve silky smooth legs comparable to your female leads. Once achieved, those fine legs can be displayed on screen while wearing bottoms of variable lengths.

Good








Better (note: this image also shows how not to cover your legs)

Best

• You will style your hair to match that of your female co-stars. This will not only help both hero and heroine look alike but also make life so much easier for hair dressers. We understand this will be a difficult rule to follow but have seen boys men who made it happen.

Perfect !

• You will insist that your director will have at least one song shot on you right after you finish taking a shower and one right after you finish swimming. This has previously been the domain of the lady stars but we have had brave men who have taken up and performed the feats as convincingly as any of those lovely ladies.
  

• 
• You will follow a daily cleansing routine comparable to that of the reigning beauty queens. We appreciate his highness Baadshah Khan for setting up a regimen suitable for all you Bollywood stars.

• You will not be afraid of wearing pink or animal prints like those lovely ladies. Remember, real men wear pink, surreal men wear cheetah prints! Fashion police Payal and Priyanka have shown how animal prints can help you communicate with your ex even while your wife is around.
  

In related news, budding star Riteieiesssh Deshmuuukkkkh has mentioned to a new talk show host that these new fashion rules have helped him get in touch with his feminine side. He was relieved at not having to wear drag ever again.

Khuda ke liye /Aamir

After reading a lot about Khuda ke Liye and Aamir, I finally got to watch these movies over the weekend. I write about both these movies in the same post because I couldn't help notice the similarity between the two, themes centered around Islam, lesser known actors, debutant directors and great music.

Khuda ke liye is the story of two musician brothers Mansoor and Sarmad and their British cousin Mary. After a brief introduction to the characters, the real story starts when Mary visits her cousins in Pakistan and Mansoor leaves to the US to study music. Since there are reviews and plot outlines everywhere on the web, I will stick to what I thought of the movie here. Shaan, who played Mansoor in the movie, Wikipedia tells me is a popular star in Pakistan. I am guessing his past experience came handy coz he has done an excellent job without at any point appearing to try too hard. He sounds convincing and absolutely lovable even when his tells his American girlfriend that his religion prohibits him from drinking liquor or that women cannot pay when a man is involved (I would have been up in arms against any other man who told me I cannot pay because I was a woman). Iman Ali, again a popular model in Pakistan, looks pretty and plays Mary without appearing too over the top. Apparently Shaan had sneered at Iman saying models cannot act (yeah, I follow Lollywood gossip too) but I am sure he will have to eat his words after this movie. Iman Ali and Shaan were the two actors that stood out for me in the entire cast. The excellent music is yet another reason for me to like Khuda Ke Liye. I am still struggling to pick a favorite between Tiluk Kamud and Bandeya Ho.

Aamir is about a doctor who returns to Bombay from UK to find himself involved a sequence of strange events. Without giving the plot away, lets just say the movie tracks the hours ensuing Aamir's return to Bombay. Rajeev Khandelwal, a first timer on the big screen, plays Aamir and carries the movie almost entirely on his shoulders that too effortlessly. Although the painstakingly slow scenes towards the end help create drama and give Khandelwal immense opportunity to perform, the movie could have done much better with some editing. Towards the ending, more often than not, the audience want the movie to end just so they could go home/go to bed or to do whatever they do after a movie ends. In stead, this film seems like it goes on forever. I am guessing the climax scene was shown in real time which could've definitely used some much needed chopping. What I like best about this movie is the transformation of the main character from your average guy to the man who takes charge all while displaying an entire range of emotions without appearing like the usual macho bollywood hero. The background score was great and Ya raham, my current favorite, is very addictive.

Both movies are likable because they come across as extremely real. No make-up, no gaudy outfits, no stopping in between for a duet in some glamorous location, no melodramatic dialogs, no item numbers, no sir, none of your bollywood stereotypes. These movies instead are armed with a strong story and an intelligent screenplay. Full points to debutant directors Shoaib Mansoor and Raj Kumar Gupta. Also there is good music in both movies but the songs don't distract you from the story. Its like a little respite from hectic storytelling through which you don't want to take a bathroom or ciggy break lest you miss something important.

The husband mentioned how Khuda ke liye is a bold movie to make especially in a country like Pakistan. Even Meetu of withoutgivingthemovieaway was of the same opinion. I fail to understand why. Despite touching upon issues like double standards, violence and abuse against women and racial/cultural prejudices of the west and conservatives in a religion, at no point does the movie speak ill of Islam. It does use the most popular of Islam preachings such as teetotalism, preventing marriages into other faiths etc but at no point does the movie come across as anti-islam. If anything, Naseeruddin Shah's character speaks in defence of the religion. The take home message from the movie according to me was that no religion preaches bad things. Its just the way the religious teachings are interpreted that makes people do good or bad things. And if anything, I was very surprised that a movie like Aamir got away without any trouble. Remember Bombay, Black Friday and many other movies that had a terror plot?

Overall, both movies are a must watch if you like movies that try to break away from the candy floss romance formula.

On an aside, while I love Wikipedia, its annoying that the Aamir movie page has entire scene-by-scene details including the climax. I noticed that I best enjoy a movie when I know absolutely nothing about it. The more reviews I read, the more my expectation of the movie rises.

Home Alone

Staying alone at home while the husband was traveling for work, I have discovered

...that it is not that hard to eat alone at a restaurant. Granted it is a small eatery in a corner where you have to bus your own table. But with a book in hand, it is a piece of cake to order your food, wait for it to be ready and eat it, all without having the company of another soul.

...that it is really hard for me to survive without internet and TV. I need one of the two unless I am sleeping or in the bathroom.

...that watching 8 back to back episodes of Law and Order SVU scares you enough to not be able to go even to the bathroom when it is dark. There such creeps in this world I tell you.

...that I can make a sandwich complete with onions and tomatoes during TV show breaks. It sucks that they dont have breaks in between episodes anymore. Its always after an episode starts but thank god for title music and end credits.

...that you can survive 3days without any in-person human interaction and still manage to stay sane enough to write about it. I couldn't even catchup with people on the phone coz we ran out of minutes on our phones. Oh wait, does ordering food at the restaurant count?

...that a dinner of cereal and brownies is fun.

...that I cannot for my life figure out what Tharoor's point is in his new book the Elephant, the Tiger and the Cellphone. About 100 pages into the book and I see he uses his favorite metaphorical writing, talks bollywood, politics, families and rants about hindutva. Pardon me but I cannot understand where he is going with all that cliched writing.

On an aside: Tharoor writes that former first lady Mrs. Shankar Dayal Sharma was a big fan of Swabhimaan, one of India's first soaps. Apparently she made sure her entourage recorded every episode of the show to ensure that she did not miss even a single episode in the process of delivering her first-lady duties. I remember running home right after school to catch the show and had a big crush on Rohit Roy. I am dying to watch the show again and cannot find it anywhere online. Does anybody know where Mrs. Sharma lives now? Maybe I can borrow her tapes.

Manolos Martinis and Men

Sex and the City is finally out! And did I love it!! The TV series is bigger and better, more fun, more drama and more style.

The movie picks up from where the series ended with a short introduction of all the characters for the uninitiated. Big is still "Carried", Miranda with Steve and Brady, Charlotte with Harry and Samantha moves to LA with Smith. The only new addition is Jennifer Hudson as Louise from St.Louis, Carrie's assistant and an adorable little girl (I dont know her name but I swear she is an angel) as Lily, Charlotte and Harry's adopted daughter. Everyone looking more beautiful and stylish, made the movie look glamorous and sexy. The runway shows, the jewelry auctions and nightlife give you a taste of true upscale New Yorker life.

Sarah Jessica Parker is the anchor for the show and carries the movie well with a little bit of drama, fun and lots of style (she even pulls off the pajamas look effortlessly!). Cynthia Nixon and Kristin Davis play their usual selves and do not have too much to do in the movie. Actually at times, I found Kristin Davis a little annoying and unintentionally funny. But this round definitely goes to Kim Cattrall. She truly rocks at 50 with her super sexy body and hilarious one-liners. Jennifer Hudson plays her part to perfection as the assistant Carrie always needed to put her life and apartment in order.

What I liked most about the movie was the familiarity, the comfort of knowing the lives of all the characters inside out. It was like meeting old friends who you lost touch with after college. The style and fashion in the movie whets your appetite for designer labels albeit an overdose of Louis Vuitton. The movie did get a little slow at times and could've been at least a good 5-10 minutes shorter. The opulence and money in the movie is a little too much to believe and larger than life for students like me. But on the other hand it feels like a dream come true to be surrounded by designer clothes, shoes and furniture.

Overall a great movie for a girls nightout or a date. Although Roger Friedman of FoxNews says, "Straight guys are likely only to see this film under pain of death from their significant others". It was interesting to notice that most of the viewers were girls or couples. Yeah, so the movie is not for everyone. Not for you if you are cynical and allergic to mush!

P.S. Thanks a bunch to the husband for being a sport and watching the movie with me without appearing like he was pained to death.

Ab Tak Chappan

I will rate this movie as one the best I have seen yet and recommend it to anyone who with interest in movies related to underworld, cops or even Ram Gopal Varma (he appears to be the go-to guy for all first time directors with stories related to the underworld)

The movie allegedly inspired by real-life encounter specialist Daya Nayak, is Shimit Amin's (of Chak De India) directorial debut. A very realistic movie not just because of natural sounds and dialogs but also for the lack of clear black and white characters. As it happens often in real life, all the characters are justified purely by the circumstances encountered without assigning strict good-cop, bad-cop tags.

Nana Patekar is his usual best with straight faced portrayal of an encounter specialist in the Mumbai Crime Branch. Never an extra word, never too dramatic or emotional, he carries the movie almost entirely on his shoulders. He talks about a murder he was ordered to commit by higher ups in the same breath as describing how after that, had a shower and ate drumstick sambar.



The encounter team is portrayed very well complete with jealousies and competitiveness. Despite being employed in the Mumbai Crime Branch, none of the characters preach patriotism or deliver heavy duty dialogs about being responsible citizens. Although it appears that we get to see everyday happenings in the characters' life, the movie has a superb pace thanks to a strict story and screenplay. Attention to subtle details like Revathi's character being a tamilian and how their child refers to his parents as Amma and Appa, how Revathi enquires Hrishita Bhatt about her live-in relationship etc are important in giving you insight into the characters's life without insulting your intelligence with spoon-fed details.

The only loop hole I found in the movie is that it fails to explain why Nana Patekar believes his informer when he calls to give him Feroz's whereabouts. I do not want to give out the movie's most important twist, but it appears that if Nana Patekar knew what he knew, he would have every reason to believe that the informer was lying and that it was a plot to get him. Oh well, a brilliant movie like this does deserves some slack.

On an aside, it is interesting that it takes a super succesful movie like Chak De India for us to sit up and take notice of the director's brilliant debut. On the same note, I wish Ram Gopal Varma sticks with the underworld genre which he does best instead of trying his hand at remaking classics.

Kabhi Geet Aisa Gaaya Karo.......

The sexy Silvara tagged me with my first. I remember when we were kids, we always used to make fun of how my dad's music and movie collection time-froze in the '70s. After doing this tag, I realized music wise, I am still stuck in last century. Not that I am complaining!

Rules of the tag: Various situations are given. You have to come up with a song ( or a couple) that aptly describe those situations in YOUR life.

Opening credits: Chale Jaise Hawayein from Main Hoon Na. I really like the video of this song and wouldnt mind making an entrance dancing like that :)

Waking up: Nindiya se jaagi bahar form Hero. Great music and good lyrics make it one of my favorites along with all other songs in the movie.

Average day: Aa ne wala pal from Golmaal. Average days come and average days go.

First date: Aati Kya Khandala from Ghulam. I like this song solely for Aamir Khan.

Falling in love: Jaan-e-man Jaan-e-man Tere Do Nayan from Choti si Asha and Mitwa from KANK.

Love Scene: Dheemi Dheemi from 1947: Earth. I would have actually loved this song to be couple with the love-making scene in the movie instead of Yeh jo Zindagi hai.

Fight Scene: Khambe jaisi khadi hai from Dil. This is really lame, but I could not think of any other song for a fight scene. Aamir Khan and Madhuri are sort of fighting in this song.

Breaking up: O Sathi Re from Muqaddar Ka Sikandar and Tanhayee from Dil Chahta Hai. Both very different sounding songs conveying the same lonely feeling in totally different ways.

Getting back together: Tere bina jiya jaaye na and Scientist by Coldplay.

Life’s ok: Bittersweet Symphony by The Verve.

Mental Breakdown: I still havent found what I'm looking for by U2 I know this song is not really relevant here but I heart Bono in this song and it gives me the jitters every time I listen to it.

Driving: The super cliched Endrendrum from Alaipayuthe and Dont Matter by Akon. I heard this song for the first time on a bus during our honeymoon in the Caribbean and fell in love with Akon ever since!

Learning a lesson: Tujhse Naraz Nahi Zindagi from Masoom.

Deep thought: I assume this meant songs with profound meaning. Rabbi Shergill's Bulla ki Jaana and Junoon's Khudi ko kar.

Flashback: Purani Jeans by Ali Haider. The lyrics actually has A+R somewhere and the husband and I still blush every time it comes up ^_^ Video Killed the radio star by Buggles for the retro feel.

Partying: Low Low Low by Flo-Rida and Please dont stop the music by Rihana

Happy Dance: Dhagala Lagli Kala Aapparently this song has another not-so-innocuous meaning which I am determined to find out.

Regretting: Socha nahi tha from Kaante

Death Scene: Jeena Yahan Marna Yahan from Mera Naam Joker.

Closing Credits: Kawa Kawa by Sukhwinder Singh in Monsoon Wedding. Actually the death scene songs comes pretty close in this category as well but I definitely like movies with happy endings and fun music playing in the background when the credits roll.

Whew, that was a tough tag! Now that I am done, I tag anyone who wants to take this up. Feel free to do the tag and leave a link to it for me to read.

Weekend in the Seventies

Born in the eighties (I know, I am ashamed of it too), I missed out on the swinging seventies. After Farhan Akhtar's Don: The Chase begins again was released, I wanted to see the original Don to be able to participate in the whole comparison debate. While looking up the movie on IMDB and Wikipedia, I found out about the alleged affair between Amitabh Bachchan and Rekha and Silsila which was based on it. One thing led to another and I ended up watching Don, Silsila, Kabhi Kabhi and Abhimaan in quick succession. Since the movies have been reviewed and beaten to death, I will just write quick notes on what I felt while watching the movies.

Once and for all, I liked Farhan Akhtar's Don much better. May be because I did not see the original movie first or even because I identify SRK, Priyanka Chopra and such more than Zeenie, Pran and Iftekhar. I got the feeling throughout that Farhan Akhtar's version was totally slick and of course I loved the climax much better. The older Don was good too. Zeenie was hot and Helen rocked! Yeh mera dil and Khaike pan banaraswala were priceless in the older version.

I could not stop comparing Silsila, Abhimaan and Kabhi Kabhi because of the similar cast. Silsila and Kabhi Kabhi both directed by Yash Chopra, had that unmistakable PnJabi flavor: the Mehras, the Khannas, the Kapoors and the elaborate punjabi weddings. Both movies had wealthy protagonists and palatial mansions. Both movies had snow-covered locales and the actors in the best of their winter wear. I don't understand Amitabh Bachchan's obsession with closed neck outfits, he was more often than not dressed in Bandh Galas. Turtle necks and suits. Oh actually I do prefer him dressed that way after seeing him and Shashi Kapoor go topless under the shower in Silsila. That was really gross to watch!!

I hated the way they shaped Jaya Bachchan's character and I am surprised that she agreed to play a role like that. She plays the role of a meek woman who cajoles AB to marry her saying, "Amit, mera kya hoga? Kaun mujhe sahara dega? Kaun mujh se shaadi karega? Kya tum mein mujh se shaadi karne ki himmat hai?". I find it very irritating that even when she realizes that her marriage is on the rocks, all she has to say is "mera kya hoga!" Seriously, in real life if I find out that my husband got back together with his ex-flame and is leaving me for her, I would rather walk out of the mess with my dignity in place rather than weeping about how I am going to be alone all over again. But again thats just me. Gathering from the grapevine that the movie was based on their real life, is that how she blackmailed AB to stay married to her when he allegedly had an affair with Rekha? Another thing I did not like is that the movie fails to show what happens to Rekha's character in the end. We are never told if she wanted to go back to Sanjeev Kumar or what. So according to the movie, its always upto to the man to decide if and when he wants to have an affair and when he wants to return to his dharampatni.

As far as I can remember, Kabhi Kabhi is one of the very few older movies that had an English tag line. The movie is actually titled, 'Kabhi Kabhi: Love if Life". I thought the movie was way ahead of its time in many other ways as well. Neetu Singh in shorts and bikinis, Neetu Singh and Rishi Kapoor going bowling etc (may be I grew up in a village but I did not know anything about bowling until I went to college). I am not sure if it is intentional but the movie tries to portray generation gap as well. AB and Rakhi are in love with each other but they don't even consider letting their parents know about their relationship for the fear of hurting them. Whereas, Rishi Kapoor does not hichkichao-fy even for a minute to declare to his parents that he is in love. Also the movie had glimpses of where Suraj Bharjathya could've gathered inspiration for Maine Pyaar Kiya. The scenes in which Rishi Kapoor works on AB's construction site to stay close to Neetu Singh reminded me too much of Salman Khan in MPK. Despite the multi-star cast, Kabhi Kabhi was Neetu Singh and Rishi Kapoor's movie all the way. They managed to look beautiful, young and refreshingly real.

Abhimaan had a completely different look and feel to it compared to Silsila and Kabhi Kabhi. It w was suprisingly short (2 hr 3 min) and had crisp editing. There was very little melodrama involved despite the dramatic plot. JB looked super beautiful and her performance won full points for me. Although most of the twists and turns were predictable, the movie sustained my interest for two hours and that is what I call a good cinema. I hear they are planning to remake Abhimaan with Mr and Mrs Bachchan jr, because like in the movie, Aishwarya is more successful than her husband right now. That sure provides ample scope for us to compare the two movies and discuss the Bachchan family at length but then, do we really want the classic to be remade? Do we want it remade with Aishwarya and Abhishek? Don't we all remember what happened with Umrao Jaan?

All the movies had superb music and excellent lyrics. Despite the punjabi look Silsila and Kabhi Kabhi, am I glad there were no Kudis Mundas and Mahiyas in the lyrics!! Overall, the movies completely deserve the classic-status that they achieved and are definitely worth a watch especially if you like to experience the movies your parents watched when they were young.

Weekend Movie Marathon

Is there a better way to spend a cold weekend than watching movies? Yes, watching Good movies! I spent entire last weekend in a couch watching 4 movies and an entire season of F.R.I.E.N.D.S. Here are some quick notes to make sure I remember all the stuff I watched.

F.R.I.E.N.D.S Season 5: With the plethora of reviews and blogs dedicated to this popular sitcom, I will write no more. It suffices to say that I like the series enough to spend a Friday evening watching an entire season in one go.

4 Months 3 Weeks and 2 Days: This movie started off well and like all the other reviews I read, threatened to be pretty graphic. It is the story of two young women in Romania, one of whom is pregnant and the other helps her through an illegal abortion. The first part of the movie was gripping with its very real scenes and extremely graphic dialogues. The movie builds up pretty well until the abortion actually happens. Then the movie is just left to hang in the air. For all of us who grew up watching masala movies with twist after twist, this one is just disappointing in the second half. Nothing really happens in the second half of the movie and the ending is a surprise because the movie ends when you really are anticipating something dramatic to happen. The extremely long shots were good initially, but they get boring after a point. The dialogue between the two girls and the man who performs the abortion, the scene where Otilia has dinner with her boyfriend's family are examples of how real movies can get. Overall an average movie especially for me because, if I am putting in an extra effort to pay careful attention to the sub-titles, then the movie better be real good.

The Whole Nine Yards: This movie is one of my favorite comedies and I enjoy watching it any number of times. Slick, funny, good plot and great one-liners make this movie complete entertainer. I am really surprised this movie has only a 6.6 rating on IMDB. But I thoroughly recommend it to anyone who likes the F.R.I.E.N.D-ly (sorry for the cliche) and nervous Matthew Perry.

Miss. Pettigrew Lives for a Day: We went to see this movie because of flopped plan to attend a Middle-eastern song and dance concert. One of those movies that you don't mind watching but complain about after you walk out of the cinemas. Its a typical bollywood-style movie with a young aspiring starlet who's life is in a mess with three men she is involved with for various reasons. Then walks-in Miss. Pettigrew, the street urchin posing as a social secretary, who not only sets the startlet's life in order in one day, but also manages to find love in a famous lingerie designer. Although his love is questionable considering they meet just for a few hours and that he finds designing the heel of a man's sock more difficult than a bra (Seriously!!?!). You can watch this movie if you have nothing better to do (like us) and want to show solidarity to a desi (that too a Gult) director in Hollywood.

Race: What were they thinking when they made this movie? The movie has every possible plot you can think of: murder, wife/partner-swapping, insincere cops, cheating secretaries, punar-janam and you-name-it. And honestly, the many twists and turns do nothing for the movie except making it an unintentional comedy. At no point is the movie believable and added to that insults your intelligence by elaborate spoon-feeding. People that are supposed to die always miraculously re-surface and people that are supposed to live, die or thats what the movie claims. I will not be surprised if a sequel comes out with all the people dead in this part re-surface with fresh vengeance. Please dont watch this movie unless you left your brain at home and enjoy the cheap thrills of watching scantily clad Bipasha Basu, Katrina Kaif and Sameera Reddy.

To get over the trauma of watching mostly bad movies, I had to go back and watch the classic Shiva. On that note, I think RGV needs to take a break, think hard and come up with another brilliant movie like this one instead of recycling movies.